Jeff (moonlessnights) wrote,

Read-only existence

I write so infrequently, these days.

It seems to be a microcosm for how much of my life feels: Just doing my job, interacting with people I know, looking for distractions... Never really creating something from my mind, the way I used to.

I miss that inspiration to write or create great things. Solving interesting problems has been the fascination of much of my adult life. These days, I don't solve the ones I seek out but lament that I am not given interesting ones.

Uggh, I have become such a waste. I have become sedated by the distractions of the world, distracted by the frustrations which circumscribe my existence, but no longer someone who pushes the boundaries of my abilities.

I think that I fell too hard with the failure of OpenAutonomy. The realizations that technical ideas and effective implementation was not enough to build a company... it seemed to kill something in me.

I need to get back to that. Back to that era where the journey was the exciting part, damn the impossibilities of the destination. That was where great ideas were possible.

I just need to turn off the world and let myself listen to my muse,

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