Jeff (moonlessnights) wrote,

Distractions and a Calm Mind

I have noticed that I have become fixated on distractions. Not engagements, which would involve any decisive act, but merely the distraction from the meaninglessness of life. This typically involves watching videos with which I hold only a passing interest (or have seen before), reading articles which are only slightly interesting to me, etc. I think that this is related to my general feelings of disinterest, disconnection, and lacking motivation.

Sure, the feelings of disconnection are either born of a real lack of human connections or are the consequence of a mental block inserted by hateful ideas, but the others should be more purely internal. Also, all of these might have the same solution.

In short, it comes down to the pleasure one finds in dreaming of an idea, planning its execution, fulfilling those plans, and then living in a world where the idea has become reality. This has been lacking in pretty well all facets of my life for a few years, now. There are no more dreams, so there is no reason to do anything, so there is no movement within which to experience pleasure.

The distractions are employed because they are easy ("Hard work often pays off after time, but laziness always pays off now." -- ) but they do not provide any lasting pleasure. Much in the same way that sugar is a food that doesn't nourish, one needs something more complete.

I wonder if I do this for some other reason. All I can think of is that my "boredom watchdog timer" is set to be a little too sensitive. It snaps me out of a still moment before my mind can begin usefully casting about.

I need to get better at preferring that silence and stillness. Otherwise, I have become a mindless consumer of time-wasting distractions, not the creator of worlds.

Maybe I can find clues back to that path if I let it get quiet enough,

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