It is the slow and careful tread beyond the boundaries. A walk back into a realm of humanity.
My younger mind would have been unable to contain itself. Maybe I am wiser and more careful or maybe there is some remnant of the dispassion inflicted on the past of my world.
In my mind, I am back at the shores of Lake Huron, at Evergreen, on an air-still morning, between breakfast and lunch. Usually, this place would make me feel alone but not today. In this moment, it is the stillness I seek. I need a place where my thoughts, alone, move faster than the world, but still in a sense of slowness.
Those moments of the night were oddly like that: Slow and decisive. All my dreams evenly poured over each instant. If I must fail at this endeavor, let me fail in beauty. Let there be no sense of pain, frustration, anger, or loss. If all is lost, let me warmly smile at its perfection in the knowledge that nothing was held back and nothing was incomplete. I will succeed or fail in the bathing light of perfection of purpose. For that, I can never apologize.
If it works, the future will be set in an odd balance. If I fail, the failure will be trivial. This will be the second time I have approached the impossibility and uncertainty in this way. The last time left marks on me: marks of courage, love, knowledge, and strength. I have nothing to fear when the world is cast in this shape.
Bring on the morning of this shared vvictory,